Clarity
Hungover on an idyllic summer, returning to Austin was rough. For two days straight I felt lost, tired, lonely, and unsure of where to go next in life. I missed my family and felt impatient for the future. After a full night’s sleep, a good workout, and seeing friends, of course the summer hangover entirely faded away — but I’m still thinking on this lingering question of “What’s next?”
My long-term goals sometimes feel so far away — my dopamine-fueled self wants some quick wins. The things I’m working towards right now are long-term goals and lifestyle choices. Many of the things I was working on earlier in life have been fulfilled, and I’ve found myself in this interim space where life feels a little hazy. I want to stay focused on the daily actions and habits that I’ve designed into my life, but also remain flexible. I feel pulled to find new problems to solve, dive into new interests, explore new cities, plan more trips and find new relationships. New is addicting.
I keep reminding myself that new is not always better, but settling in is a good thing. Working towards where I want to be in 20 years from now also looks like the way I am living my life today. It can look like going out less, getting up early, and spending more time alone. The daily work isn’t necessarily glamorous, perhaps boring from the outside in, but it brings me a lot of joy. The quality of our day-to-day lives is a great indicator of the quality of our long-term goals.
In my work, we talk about the concept of “T-shaped” designers. A designer can have a wide breadth of skills but may go vertically deep in a single speciality which they will master. In life, I’ve historically over-indexed on the horizontal. My interests and areas of focus have always spread wide, out of a love for the new and exciting more than anything.
I want to be thoughtful in my life. Instead of spreading myself thin— go deeper. My career has been my “T” — supporting my ever-changing ideas and interests. It’s not a bad thing, but I’m finding new joy in intentionality elsewhere. I’m seeing how living with intention requires more focus, commitment, and sacrifice. Saying “no” to distractions, and “yes” to the Type 2 Fun of putting in the work. Instead of doing more, how can I do better?
I’ve been reflecting on this in two parts — being okay with “doing less” also and accepting the unknown.
It can feel paralyzing to move forward without a clear path. 20 years out looks easy, but what about next month? There is so much data and information available to us at any given moment. We’re all conditioned to think that we can and should find the root of every problem and have an answer for every question. That just isn’t always the case. There are so many mysteries of life that we will never understand– it’s impossible to predict the future and answer every unknown before moving forward. We shouldn’t be paralyzed by a lack of information, but need to learn how to ask the right questions. I was reading a riveting essay from Paul Graham this week, and his perspective on unanswered questions really hit home for me:
“It’s a great thing to be rich in unanswered questions. And this is one of those situations where the rich get richer, because the best way to acquire new questions is to try answering existing ones. Questions don’t just lead to answers, but also to more questions.”
Comfort with the unknown does NOT mean sitting back and waiting. It means moving forward — and finding peace. There’s so much beauty in embracing the unknowns and accepting that we don’t have all the answers. Not a passive acceptance, but a curious mindset and attitude. You can’t force clarity.
You can’t enjoy life if you’re sitting on your a**, waiting for the next thing to fall in your lap. Instead of waiting for clarity, how can we just do the next best thing? Not the best thing, just the next thing. That could be asking a question. It could be making a decision. It could be testing the waters and taking a small action. It could be accepting that you’ve done everything you can.
Learning to be okay with ambiguity is a skill. Clarity comes in accepting the mystery, putting in the work, and letting happiness come to us in the journey. What’s next? I’m not 100% sure – but I’m moving forward with intention and peace.
“It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit.”
– Denis Waitley
