Getting what you want
My reflective nature kicks in strong around end the of November. Making plans always energizes me, and the simplistic idealism of a clean slate and new year present endless opportunity for optimization and creativity. Working in technology you are gifted with a plethora of frameworks and goal-setting exercises for business which — personally— I find incredibly helpful to use when thinking about my own life. Sprint retrospectives, for example, are ones of my favorite rituals. An opportunity to reflect on what went well, and importantly, what did not.
As I’ve been reflecting on my own “start / stop / continue” for the year, I’ve been getting comfortable with the idea of unfulfilled desire. I want a lot of things. Generally I’m very good at getting what I want— and quickly. Since high school I’ve been writing out my 1, 5 and 10-year goals every year. Most of these goals have been achieved. The short-term goals have a solid track record. The long term goals — now starting to come to their respective due dates — are where I want to start adding more intentional focus.
My theme for the year is “setting a foundation” — laying the groundwork for those long-term goals and committing to the work that doesn’t immediately pay off.
Unfulfilled desire is unavoidable. It manifests in two ways— not getting what you want and fluctuating goals. These things can be inclusive of each other. You can experience a lack of fulfillment in a thing wanted that is now had, but then the standard for achievement levels up. The perceived desire has been fulfilled, but satisfaction is missing. Is this really what was wanted?
The other manifestation of unfulfilled desire is in things wanted that are not had. These things may or may not be inside our realm of control. (In my opinion, debatable if we truly can’t control getting them. The levers of hard work or compromise can always be pulled.)
Regardless of how you arrive, this space of unfulfilled desire and unmet expectations in our daily lives is a frustrating but fascinating place to be. It brings up good fodder for a retrospective. It is also a mirror of our entire existence on earth — never to be truly satisfied in life — as we were created for another.
Accepting that you don’t always get what you want is not an excuse to set a low bar for yourself (or others) by any means. Growth is one of the most rewarding things in life, and setting hard-to-reach goals gives us the opportunity to struggle towards them. Embracing the process of getting to where you want to be — instead of wishing you were already there — allows our hearts and bodies to expand and open to experience life in new ways. The redemptive nature of growth never gets stale.
I’m working on re-focusing my thoughts around thriving in the work and the wanting. Recognizing that fulfillment is not always found when you get everything you want. Remembering that setting and achieving goals is satisfying and healthy, but accomplishments are not what will ultimately fulfill the spirit. The end goal, the work and the reward can all exist simultaneously in harmony.
