Love, and four lessons on a Friday.
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I realized today that I’ve held myself back, somewhat unconsciously, from fully living in and sharing the entirety of my faith. I find myself in a strange paradox of living so fully in the love of God that has transformed my life, while at the same time feeling the need to shield those around me from my deep beliefs. As if presenting a tame version of a transformative relationship with God could be a way to show love to those who have been hurt by legalistic concepts and selfish use of religion. I believe fully that God is love and loves us. I also have seen what I’ll call religious malpractice — where the teachings of faith have been so far separated from the love of God.
I’ve been on my own spiritual journey this past year, since moving to Austin. In Los Angeles and in New York, I found strong spiritual community through Christian churches. I felt inspired, challenged, and that I was growing in my faith.
My faith remains at the core of my personal being, but I haven’t found a church in Austin that I would call home. I am not going to disparage on church in Austin — there are some beautiful churches in this city that are bringing people closer to God. There is an aspect of what I would call “cultural Christianity” in Texas, however. In New York and LA, you didn’t find “cultural Christians” — it wasn’t the norm to believe in an all-loving, all-knowing, judging God.
When you look for God, you see Him, especially in the hearts of his children. The thing that drew me to Austin — and has inspired me to build a life and community here — is the people. There is such a high concentration of good people here. Curious people. Caring people. While I figure out my relationship with "organized church" in Austin, I've been impressed with the idea of stepping into my faith even more wholeheartedly in my relationships with friends, family, and interactions with strangers.
Lesson number one: Don’t let fear hold you back from sharing what’s on your heart.
Two things happened this morning that inspired me to write — a text from a friend and a podcast I was listing to.
Last night I could feel my body fighting to stay well after the chaos of travel delays and winter storms coming back from a ski trip in Colorado. I took the morning off running, and instead drove to Mañana to meet a couple friends for coffee. On my drive, I started listening to this interview. There were so many “Yes” moments — feeling like I was listening to some of the thoughts that have been ruminating in my own mind.
Over coffee, I casually mentioned a memory with my dad in conversation with my friend. I hadn't thought much of it. It's been over two years since my dad passed away. His diagnosis of late-stage cancer was unexpected and abrupt, a strange and twisted way to see someone die after a life lived with so much soul. It's cliche, but time does pass so quickly, especially contrasted against a summer with his sickness that felt like it would never end.
As I was driving home, I got a message from my friend:
“Hearing about your Dad made me smile. It sounds like he was an amazing father. He raised an incredible woman.”
I almost started to cry. I was so touched that she truly noticed the small story I’d mentioned and called it out to me.
Lesson number two: Be generous with your words. Say what is on your heart. You never know what emotions and creativity you can spark in another person.
In the interview I was listening to, Mike talks about losing his father, and the connection that remained even after the passing of his father. My dad’s love and energy for life have outlived him. He planted the seeds of love, and the garden is growing. I’ve seen his love and legacy amplified through our family. Was he perfect? Of course not. We disagreed and fought over so many things. What stood out was his heart. He acted from his heart, and what he held to be right and good.
When you lose someone, there is a gap in your world that will never be filled in the same way. But that gap can inspire you. In the years without my dad, I’ve learned as much from him as the years with him.
Lesson number three: Look for inspiration in those around you, now.
When I lost my dad, I lost my biggest cheerleader. Unlike many men, he was openly expressive and emotional. The offers to fly me home from the city, even for a quick weekend, that I took for granted. The handwritten notes, mailed to my latest address as I moved about the country.
To be in community with God is to be in community with his children. He loves us all, so dearly, and has given us the gift of love we can give to others. Reflecting back on my dad’s unashamed, expressive emotion and love inspires me to give the same love to those around me. To always, always make time for people.
Lesson number four: Give away your love.
Love is not finite. The more you give, the more you get. And the more your capacity for love increases. The best way to have a friend is to be one. The best way to experience love? To give it away.
Our spirits were designed to flow. Not to hold in emotion. I’m no expert in health science, but I fully believe holding stress and unexpressed (or unhealthily expressed) emotion can be the most toxic thing to our body and soul.
When our spirits are connected with God, we are free to love and live with intention. That intention doesn’t have to be complicated — we are designed to love and be loved.
