Quieting my little demons
We are all storytellers, whether we want to be or not. We tell stories to the world, and to ourselves about how we show up in it. These narratives dictate how we navigate our lives and guide our daily actions.
As a designer, I’m constantly living in the world of storytelling. Designers talk a lot about stories. To ensure the success of products, it’s essential that we understand the broader story — what are the business objectives and user needs for what we are creating? How does this feature fit into the larger context? The products we craft exist within within a larger ecosystem. When context is missing or inaccurate, features may fail. Without understanding the full story, it’s challenging to make informed decisions
When it comes time to share design work, telling the story of how you arrived at a solution is also essential. If you don't set your audience up for success, they won't understand how you got to the ideas and concepts you are sharing in the moment. You have to give the audience a narrative to follow.
Storytelling isn’t limited to how we communicate with others — in work or in personal life. The stories we tell ourselves are just as — if not more — important.
“We are the stories we tell ourselves.”
– Shekhar Kapur
Our attitudes toward life depend on the stories we have written for ourselves and the stories we choose to live out. Are we victims of our circumstances, believing life is beyond our control? Are we heroes, poised to save ourselves? Or are we individuals making the most of our circumstances, telling ourselves how our choices contribute to a larger narrative of life’s possibilities?
Over the past six months, I've developed a newfound love for endurance sports. I've always been active, but with a historically low tolerance for pain. For whatever reason, I'm starting to find a new joy in challenging myself and testing the mind-body connection.
As I push my mental and physical limits more often, it’s easy to fall into negative self-talk, telling myself that I’m too slow or that I should have started earlier in life.
I’ve been mindful of re-framing these negatives. Instead of telling myself I’m a slow runner, how about focusing on the fact that I’m learning something new and actively looking for a new workout to better my performance?
“The most powerful person in the world is the storyteller.”
– Steve Jobs
One of the most powerful voices in our own worlds is our inner critic. Our internal voices shape how we choose to present ourselves to the people around us, and yes, it is a choice. Finding the delicate balance between giving yourself grace and holding yourself accountable to your goals is crucial.
Balance begins with setting clearly defined goals.
The things that catapult me into spiraling mental gymnastics are more often that not situations where my end goal isn’t clear. For example, home ownership. Sometimes I feel like I’m falling behind, still renting at 30 and sharing a house with a roommate. A long-time New Yorker and avid traveler, home ownership was yet to be a priority for me. I like flexibility.
Am I genuinely behind? Of course not. I consciously chose this life, and I’ve loved every bit of it. Now, I’m reshaping my priorities. I’ve signed with a realtor and am starting to look at potential opportunities. As I explore what buying a property could look like in my life, embracing the unknown and the process of “building taste” (a new favorite term I’ve learned working in real estate) has proven to be challenging. I don’t know what I want yet, but I’m taking the next best steps to figure it out.
One of my favorite sayings is “Comparison is the death of joy.” I want to hold myself to my own standards, and not to the priorities that others have set for their own lives. I love to look around me for inspiration and accountability. I feel so inspired by other women I see balancing work, relationships, families, health, and hobbies. I want to draw inspiration, not competition, from these examples.
“When we focus on the competition we become reactive.
When we focus on improving ourselves, we become innovative.”
– Simon Sinek
I'm a firm believer in approaching life with positivity and grace — internally and externally. It's easy to fall into a pattern of cynical self-deprecation, but that's not who I want to be. I'd rather approach life with a full-hearted mentality.
If we can't befriend ourselves, how can we love those around us well? Our stories shape how we choose to show up in the world. The real magic happens when we silence the little demons perched on our shoulder and take control over the stories we choose to inhabit.
